Recently, I was at a conference and was asked, “What did you
do to raise your self-esteem?”
I was taken aback for a moment, because the question made me
think, “Raising your self-esteem is a never-ending process.”
But then, I put the question into context. The question was
asked because my colleague had recently learned about my past – a past where I
lived a more shy and introverted life than I do today.
You see, when I was growing up as a child in the inner city
of Chicago, I didn’t talk much. I was really quiet and shy. To top it off, I
was a skinny kid with knocked-knees that got teased and talked about a lot. Can
you imagine a tree branch with a smile? That was me.
I didn’t know it at the time, but my self-esteem was taking
a major hit. Being talked about and disliked for reasons such as,
·
“She thinks she’s smart!” or
·
“You talk like you’re white.” or the infamous,
·
“Ooh, you’re so skinny,”
had made me skeptical to talk to people and even doubt who I
was.
As I got older, I did come out of my shell more and more.
However, it took instances such as my mother saying to me every morning before
I went to school that if the teacher asked a question and I knew the answer I
had better speak it. Or my godfather, who drove me to my first day of life as a
college student, saying that if I did not want to be just a number at U of I, I
had better speak up in my classes so that my professors got to know me as a
student. I must admit that both of their advice helped my career as a student
not to go down the toilet.
Yet, those were not the answers that I gave my colleague who
wanted to know, “What did you do to raise your self-esteem?”
In the five-minutes or so we had left to chat on break, I
quickly ran through my mind what I actually did to raise my self-esteem. Unbeknownst
to me, there were five (5) specific strategies that had surfaced over time that
allowed me to raise my self-esteem and become the woman I am today. Here’s a
recap of the two strategies I shared with my colleague and the three that I
later realized:
First, I had to learn
to love me. The next morning after I was asked the question about the
specific things I did to raise my self-esteem, this answer came to mind. With a
flood of memories and realizations, I had to admit that learning to love myself
was the ultimate strategy that allowed me to successfully and consistently raise
my self-esteem. As a six year old child, it was interesting for me to see how people
would like you or not like you because of the way you looked or sounded – which
wasn’t always fair. The older I got, the more this point was proven to me time
and time again. My self-esteem, like a roller coaster ride, rose high and
dipped low based on what others thought and said about me. It wasn’t until I
got out of college that I stumbled upon the importance of loving myself – from
the good, to the bad, and even the downright ugly. The more I became aware of
me and appreciated who I was, the less affected I was by what others thought of
or said about me. When I learned to love me, I freed myself from the weight of
other people’s opinions of me and opened myself up for being authentically and
unapologetically me.
Second, I had to
connect to a success support system. This is one of the strategies I shared
with my colleague that helped me to raise my self-esteem. I told him that
throughout my life I was blessed to have been connected to some really cool
teachers, mentors, and friends that thankfully were (and some still are) a part
of my success support system. It didn’t matter if they naturally connected to
me or if I specifically sought them out, it was through their advice, guidance,
insight, and wisdom that I was able to boost my self-confidence, increase my
self-awareness, and raise my self-esteem.
Third, I had to
self-study. This particular strategy is an extension of the first and it
simply means that I had to become self-aware. Thanks to self-study, I was led on
a journey of uncovering more about me. Self-study helped to drive home a life
lesson I got from my first job where I learned that you should never let anyone
tell you something about yourself that you don’t already know. Self-study gave
me the awareness that helped me to know and BELIEVE for myself the
characteristics about me that made me proud to be me.
Fourth, I had to
surround myself with inspiration and motivation. I told my colleague that
this particular strategy became ingrained in my daily living. Books, music,
sermons, workshops, magazines, seminars, audios, and TV shows became the many
ways in which I brought inspiration and motivation into my life on a regular
and consistent basis. I learned that reading motivational books and listening
to inspirational messages became an essential ingredient to my mental,
emotional, and spiritual growth. I discovered that hanging with friends,
family, and mentors that added positive energy to my world through their
intelligence, wisdom, humor, authenticity, honesty, and support was vital to me
raising my self-esteem.
Finally, I had to continue
the process. This was a point that I alluded to when answering my
colleague’s question. However, it wasn’t until the next morning that this
particular point became very clear to me. As I recalled myself telling my
colleague the ways I had raised my self-esteem, it dawned on me that I am still
using those strategies today. Although I am not as shy, introverted, or skinny
as I was as a kid, I still have people who talk about me and dislike me for who
I am, what I do, and how I sound. The major difference between now and then is
that I don’t let their opinions of me tear me down.
Yet, that’s not the only reason why I’ve had to continue the
process. Over the years, I’ve learned that challenges, obstacles, issues, and
problems of life can take your self-esteem on a roller coaster ride, too.
Learning to love me; connecting to a success support system; doing self-study;
and surrounding myself with inspiration and motivation have been key factors in
my overcoming, breaking-through, and resolving many challenges, obstacles,
issues, and problems within my world.
I thank my colleague for asking me, “What did you do to
raise your self-esteem?” because it gave me a chance to remember my past and
how it has positively influenced my future. My self-esteem is very strong today
because of all of the work I’ve done – and still do to maintain it at a healthy
level.
How about you? What have you done to raise your self-esteem?
Have you used any of the strategies I mentioned above? Or,
have you used something different?
Tell me below what has worked for you with raising and
maintaining your self-esteem.
I would love to hear from you.
